Ain't Nobody's Problem

This. This is my all time fave. 

What if the reason we're living is just to die happy?

I like to have a lot of "me" time. And when I do my mind wanders. So this was a thought that ran across my young brain. What if we were all put on this earth just to find ways to die happy? What if that was our life goal? To accomplish as many fulfilling goals just to lead up to that big one, to die content. Has anyone thought about that? Our lives were tailored differently for each of us, but we all get to have the same goal. Even though we all have different ways to work towards that goal, that goal binds us all together.

Everyone has their own way of interpreting "happiness." But if we look at the big picture, happiness & sadness are black and white, no gray area in between. Happiness to me is the feeling of contentment, a feeling that makes you feel like you're above the clouds and no worries in the world could stop you. You get crazy amount of butterflies in your tummy when you're happy. That genuine smile from cheek to cheek, that's happiness. Think of a roller coaster ride. That moment of slowly going up the rail...waiting for the big drop, that's your whole life. The feeling you get from that drop is death (yes, this sounds awful...but keep reading). Think about that feeling. That light fluttery feeling. That tickle in your stomach. The sensation you can never experience by just "living." It feels like everything in your body is flying. That feeling. It's a good feeling. Death should be a good feeling. If you don't feel that when you die, I think you've been living your life all wrong. Even when you are dying from sickness and you are hurting everywhere on or in your body, you should be able to feel content.

Death is a scary thought for some. For others, it's expected. We all will die. Unless of course some mad scientist can discover some magical potion that will let us all live forever. Then my "happy death" theory will be false and my whole life will just be a life. But I don't want to live forever. I want to be traditional: born, live, and die. Whenever and however I die, I want to know that I have done so much in my life that I am content. I want to die with the largest smile on my face. I want to die knowing that I have touched many lives whether it be in the smallest way or the biggest way. I want to die knowing that all of the sub-goals that I have set for myself have been accomplished. I want to die with butterflies. I want to die with the feeling of a roller coaster drop.

Basically, do things that will make you happy. Do things that will make you die happy. Life is way too short to not be good to others and yourself. Take a second and think about everything that you have been doing. Will you die happy knowing that you have been treating yourself and others wrongly? Change your routine. Change your actions. Change your attitude. Be positive. Be happy. You're still on that roller coaster and the drop awaits. So be excited when it comes. Let's all plan a great death.

xoxo

Y'all, I've fallen in love

The most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on, I am so madly in love. I have never seen anything that has such a big heart with so much to offer, not only to me, but to the world. I never thought I was capable of love, especially this young and this fast, but you've shown me the ability to love through the goods and the bads. You've changed who I am and allowed me to grow into something so much more. You've shown me the light at the end of the tunnel when I thought I was completely lost and had no where to go. You make me so happy, even when there's absolutely nothing to be happy about. You allowed me to share that happiness with others around me without any jealousy. You are so selfless, you try to help as many people as you could, and yet still have time for me. You are so amazing. You inspire me to try and be just as amazing. You're so funny. You have a way about you. You taught me to believe and always hope for the best. You gave me the idea that "everything will always be alright." Every time I think about you, I get the biggest smile on my face. Every time I think about how great you are, I get little butterflies in my stomach. I am so blessed. I wake up everyday knowing that I have made it to another day with you. Without you, I would be nothing. You are always on my mind. Even when you are mean to me. But you always find ways to make it up to me. We've made so many memories together in such a short period of time and I can't wait to make more awesome memories for many years to come. I love you so much Life. I am so grateful to be living. No, not just living, but to be able to live you to the fullest, always.

xoxo

20th Reflect

As my 20th year is coming to an end, I feel kind of bittersweet. Today is the day. The last day of my 20th. Man, I have been waiting to turn 21 for so long. However, as the days were approaching, all I wanted was for time to slow down. The excitement that I have had for the last few months, even years (since I was 18), while waiting for the arrival of this day have slowly come to a halt. I can't tell if it's because I loved my 20th so much, or I'm just scared. People have said, it's all down hill after 21! But knowing me, I never look at the negative side of things. I think it'll still be amazing. I don't think it's more of me being scared, but more so about leaving such a great year behind. This year was so beautiful. Every year has been so beautiful, but this year topped it all.

I wanted to go on a big hike today to celebrate my last day and just to reflect back the past 20 years of life. I wanted to do so much to send off my 20th year. But doing homework and prepping for school for my upcoming weekend in Vegas is much more important. Haha, I sound so lame but I have no choice, all of my professors decided to celebrate my birthday with midterm exams. So this is how I am going to spend my last day. Actually, I'm really excited for the gym later on. The only non-work thing I'll be doing!

Alright, so let me explain a little bit about why I kept on bragging about my 20th year. I learned so much about life. It was the year that I fell madly infatuated with a guy and it was all so new to me. I haven't liked any one this much since Music. I learned how much somebody could hurt me yet make me feel so happy. I learned how to be vulnerable and express my emotions a little more. I thought I fell in love... hahah let's be real, love does not exist here, or allowed. When I like a guy, I would pick at his flaws until I am absolutely disgusted with him and then I run away, but this can be another entry for another day. I went on so many adventures that fueled my love for mother nature and for the world even more! I got a promotion at work.  I went to Coachella! I gained a couple of bridesmaids. I went to Hawaii for the first time ever! I was elected to be the Philanthropy Director in my sorority. I became less shallow (this was such a breakthrough for me). I fell in love with my sorority all over again. I voted for the first time ever! I got a breast augmentation. I had the best summer. I think the most important thing was that I learned how to appreciate, embrace, and enhance life a little more. Man, it was an awesome year. Whoever said that your 20th year is the worst year because you're stuck waiting for your 21st was so wrong. It's all about how you choose to live it. And I think I chose wisely.

Dear 20 year old me, I'm going to miss you.

Dear 21 year old me, I hope you're going to be as cool as your 20 year old self, don't get to wild and I hope you'll still have morals. I hope that you'll still continue to make your life meaningful, not just to yourself but to the rest of the world.

I hope I will survive the bars tonight.

Oh and I hope you'll start using your FlipCam again.

xoxo.

Song Saturday

The Summit- Skrillex

THE 20 MISTAKES IN YOUR 20s

Everyone knows that their 20s are their most selfish years. These are the years to learn, have fun, and make mistakes. These are the years to go balls out and not give a damn. There are plenty of articles written by the ghosts of the 20s' past about the Do's and Don'ts. These articles were written with warnings, telling us to make these the best years of our lives. It's funny because with so many articles written about the 20s, it seems like once you've crossed the 30 line... you're no longer important. Where are the 30s, 40s, and 50s? My Facebook newsfeed have been blowing up with these types of articles. All from recent graduated seniors and seniors. I have read every single one of them and only one article actually stood out to me. This one: The 20 mistakes you don't want to make in your 20s. Preston Waters gives the brutal truth. As I was reading through the 20 mistakes, my brain was trying to fight all the points he was trying to make. But in the back of my mind, I thought wow, this couldn't be any more truer. Here are some that really stood out to me:

I couldn't agree more with the #1 mistake on the list. This was actually a point my brain wasn't putting up a fight about. But it was actually giving a standing ovation. I'm one to believe in karma. Burning all bridges is the worst mistake anyone can make. And this should be carried throughout your whole life and not just to realize when in your 20s. Do good things but don't expect anything in return. Be nice even when you want to react in the meanest way, trust me, the sweetest revenge is to kill them with sweetness. It's amazing how life works, but don't ever forget karma.

I have friends, a lot of friends. Some are easily disposed, some are very valuable. Being in a sorority comes with lots and lots of friends. But I know better with quality vs. quantity. Luckily I have a nice balance between the two. I have plenty of friends, but I also have a few friends I can count in just one hand whom I can trust with my life. I'm usually the peacemaker, but as of late, in the past couple of years or so, I have learned to realize who's worth it and who's not. How I view it is that if I lose a friend, I reevaluate our friendship. I ask myself how beneficial are they in my life. That sounds incredibly harsh and mean, but let me further explain... I would ask myself these following questions: Do they make me happy? Have they been there for me? Will I be sad if they're no longer in my life? Will I miss them? If I say no to any of these and feel that they're not going to be an asset to my life, our friendship is really not worth striving for. My 20s are my selfish year. Everything is about me. I am living for nobody else but me. Therefore, there is no room for friends who will not benefit ME. My friends should be able to inspire me, motivate me, and challenge me. They definitely should not surround me with a negative aura and bring me down. I know this paragraph was all about me.. ME ME ME, I'm selfish. I'm allowed to be, I am 20.

This is a point my brain was picking at. I am #11. I'm definitely sticking to the job I have right now just because it is convenient. It does not challenge me nor does it help me get closer to my career goals. I am so comfortable here and that makes me lazy. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to have a job. But, it doesn't make me happy. I will not be able to get a job I love once I get out of college based on this job. Number 11 really made me realize that maybe I should quit. Maybe I should find a job that's going to make me happy. Maybe I should find a job that's going to further my career. Okay, not maybes, but I will. 

Vacation, vacation, vacation. Okay, #12 was written for me. This mistake is the king of all warnings. I feel like I need a vacation all the time, and I take vacations all the time. Whether it's a big trip, or a mini-vacay, I love vacations. I shouldn't be taking any vacations because vacations are extremely expensive. I haven't accomplished anything, therefore, I don't deserve a vacation. I need to focus on what's important for me. I'm not one to think for the future, I live in the moment. But I'm starting to realize that these moments are not good enough. These moments aren't vacation worthy. Okay, I'm rambling, I don't exactly know what I'm trying to say, but just to point out the fact that I really don't deserve a break. Until I feel like I have earned it.

Ladies, love is for suckers. And I am a sucker. Well, not exactly. I'm not looking for love. Especially not at this point in life. I'm not looking for a relationship either, because I know how crazy those gets. But, I am dating. I love dating. But, the emotional effects are just about the same. I'm a lot stronger than most when it comes to dealing with my emotions, but sometime, it gets way out of hand. It can change my mood from happy to extremely annoyed. Why should anyone have the ability to control your emotions right? Better off alone. But alone doesn't give you all of the benefits you can get out of a partner. I know not to fall in love. I'm smarter than that. Dating can be great, and bad. Well, this was another pointless paragraph about me rambling about absolutely nothing. Lol. Just forget about this. Don't fall in love.

There you have it. My five favorite points from "The 20 mistakes." Take it and run with it. I think these were very honest and they weren't sugar coated at all. There are no butterflies and flowers, just some harsh truths. 

Au revoir.

xoxo

Sunset Cliffs, San Diego

I have created a list of things to do and places to go and I am determined to finish it all by the end of summer (3 weeks from now, yikes!) So first thing to be checked off of that list is Sunset Cliffs. I came across it on Yelp and the pictures of the place swept me away. I love the beach and any chance for me to be at the beach I will take!

Sunset Cliffs is located a street called Sunset Cliffs Blvd . It is exactly what it is called. People go here specifically for the sunset. My, it is definitely a view to see! I envy the lucky folks who gets to live here. Along Sunset Cliffs Blvd, there are a number of places that you can pull over to see this beautiful sight. There will be signs lined up along the edges warning you not to go on the cliffs. But nobody ever listens. If you do, you'll get a mediocre view. If you're a daredevil, (haha, it's honestly not scary at all) ignore the warnings and you'll be left speechless by the view! At the end of Sunset Cliffs Blvd, there'll be a big parking lot with two porta potties, park there, and go down the makeshift trail that'll lead you to a small beach. You'll see a few people there but it is not populated at all. Trust me, it is so peaceful! As if you have the whole beach to yourself. The trail leading down to the beach is kind of dangerous. People can slip and fall of the cliff very easily. But if you trust your instinct and hope for the best (lol, probably the worst advice ever), you will have a great time! Once you get near the bottom, there's a rope that you can hold on to to climb down (this part was the coolest). Once you're down, take a deep breath and just soak it all in! Take your clothes off, lay your towel down, put on your suntan lotion, and relax. You can either relax or watch the surfers ride the waves, or you can go explore the caves and climb the rocks along the beach. It is amazing. I wish I had more time to explore, but I went there to paint and that literally took me 3 hours. I had to move so many times because the water kept on getting higher and higher. At the end, I had to just wrap up early because the waves were smashing too close to me. Check it out when you get a chance!

I love the way the galaxy starts to melt when we become one...

I would fall in love every time a song by The Spill Canvas comes on my playlist. Their songs will always take me back to the years where all I would listen to was Indie bands, such as, Bright Eyes, Dashboard, and Death Cab. I love that nostalgia feeling their music would bring. It reminds me of my youth, yes I am very well aware that I am only 20 and still is in my "youth", but I'm talking about my early high school youth. The youth where I was madly infatuated with a boy who was completely oblivious to my feelings, or let alone any other girls' feelings (okay, this obviously doesn't sound like a happy memory, but at the time, I was blinded by this happiness). The youth where I could actually frolic in a field and not cared about what anyone thinks (I mean, I can still do this, but it was a lot more fun at 14). The youth where my two best friends and I would lay on the track and field's pole vaulting mat after school while listening to our colorful iPod nano play awesome tunes (each of us actually had a different color, I had the pink, they had green and blue). That youth. It's sad, but I never actually pay attention to song's lyrics. But something about The Spill Canvas... something about their music makes me want to slow down and listen to the lyrics. Their music is filled with lyrics that were beautifully created for the human soul, so creatively written. If I could marry it, I would.

Here's the song that sparked all of this emotion for me today.

How does it feel to know you're everything I need 
The butterflies in my stomach 
They could bring me to my knees 
How does it feel to know you're everything I want 
I've got a hard time saying this 
So I'll sing it in a song 

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself 
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead 
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt 
When we become one 
When we become one 
When we become one 
When we become one 

How does it feel 
How does it feel when we get locked into a stare? 
Please don't come looking for me 
When I get lost in the mess of your hair 
How do you feel when everything you've known 
Gets thrown aside 
Never fear, my dear, 'cause we have nothing left to hide 

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself 
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead 
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt 

Hold on to me girl 
If you feel your grip getting loose 
Just know that I'm right next to you 
Hold on to me girl 
If you feel your grip getting loose 
Just know that I won't let you down 

Well, I'm ready 
Well, I'm ready 
I am ready 
To run away with you 
Are you ready? 
Are you ready? 
Are you ready? 
To run away with me 

Pack your things we can leave today 
Pack your things we can leave today 
Say our goodbyes and get on the train 
Say goodbye 
Just you and I in the sweet unknown 
We can just call each other our home 

If I had to choose a way to die 
It'd be with you 
In a goose bump infested embrace 
With my overanxious hands cupping your face 
In a goosebump infested embrace 
With my overanxious hands cupping your cherub face 

How does it feel?

Love

When in Hawaii, do as...

Remember how I posted an entry about how I couldn't find cool things to do in Hawaii before I left for Hawaii? I found one worthy blog by a local that talks about these wonderful places on the island. Check him out here, Exploration Hawaii. If you love nature and exploring as much as I do, you will love his blog. Definitely a gem find. He doesn't just tell you or show you pictures of these amazing places, he goes into details of how to get there and how illegal these hikes are (lol). I wish I had enough time to do everything on there. Heck, if I was a local, my weekends would be dedicating to exploring the beautiful islands. The next time I'm in Hawaii, I refused to waste a second NOT going to these places.

Alright, so here are some of what I did in Hawaii...

Sea Life Park
The number one thing I wanted to do in Hawaii was to "dance with dolphins." Also known as interaction in the water with dolphins. That was fulfilled by my second day in Hawaii. It was more than magical and everything I could ever imagine. Ever wonder what dolphins feel like? Like leather. Hard and rubbery. Oh my, they were so smart! One of my favorite movies in the entire world is 50 First Dates, and I have seen it over 50 times. Come to find out, one of the dolphins I "danced" with, Mikioi, was a star in the movie. How cool is that?! Besides dancing with the dolphins, I got to explore the park. It wasn't much. There were some sea turtles, penguins, sharks, birds, a whale, and sea lions. You can go around the whole place in probably less than 45 minutes. It's pretty small. The place overlooks the beautiful blue ocean and that's definitely a sight to see.

Shrimp Trucks

I heard that it is a must to try the shrimp trucks on the island. I didn't know there were so many!!! I only had time to try 2 shrimp trucks. The first was called Ono Steaks & Shrimp Wagon, located in Waimanalo just down the road from Sea Life Park. I got a garlic shrimp plate and 1 shredded beef taco. The garlic shrimp plate was my favorite! It was perfectly seasoned, and not overwhelmed with garlic. My taco was filled with lettuce, mango salsa, and the meat, it was heaven on earth! The second shrimp truck that I tried was in Hahuku called Giovanni's Shrimp Truck. They have another location in Haleiwa. I don't eat spicy food, but my friend got their spicy shrimp plate and said it was extremely hot! But, good. I played it safe and got a shrimp scampi plate (it's just a garlic shrimp plate). It was $13, a little more pricier than Ono Steaks & Shrimp Wagon ($7 and some change). I thought Giovanni's shrimp plate was alright. It was as flavorful as the Ono's shrimp plate. I think what really made a difference is that at Ono's, the white rice was drizzled in the same garlic sauce that the shrimp had. So it was very flavorful. Giovanni's Shrimp Truck is a well known place. It was way more packed than Ono's. Try them both out! 

 Matsumoto
I don't think I need to write a description for this place at all. It is known worldwide. Shaved ice. It's definitely a tourist place. Must go if you're in the area... just because. I thought their shaved ice just tastes like any other shaved ice. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way dissing this place. It's one of the originals and very hyped up, there's nothing different about their ice or flavors. But it was cool to just be there.. haha.

Swap Meet at the Stadium

If you want to buy gifts for friends and family back at home, this is the place to go. You can find really neat things starting from just one dollar. You can buy a cool HI t-shirt for just $4 here along with other HI souvenirs. 

Diamond Head State Monument 

Major tourist spot. A short hike to the top where you can see a 180 degrees view of the island. Pretty nice up top, but very populated with people... yuck. There's a tunnel you can go through. Warning, it's dark and has huge bugs! There are stairs you're going to have to climb up. Parking is $5 and very limited. I got there around 8 o'clock and the lot was full, but I waited in line and eventually there was a spot open up within minutes. Not too bad. Go here if you have an hour to kill. Other than that, you can get more by doing a 3 mile hike in the neck of the woods somewhere on the island. 

Liliha Bakery 

If you're looking for a sweet treat at the godly hour of the night, go here. They have all types of desserts ranging from cheescakes to donuts. They also have food food here, but I only got an oreo mint chocolate chip cupcake here. I went at midnight and they had a lot of options!

Tantalus Dr. 

This place is a must go. I got a chance to see it in the day and at night. Doesn't matter what time of the day you go, you will not be disappointed. During the day, make sure to drop by the Puu Ualakaa State Park up the road, go to the viewpoint (there'll be signs guiding you to it) there and absorb all of Oahu's beauty! I was speechless. At night, along the road, there's a lookout viewpoint, you can see half of Oahu lit up in perfection. 

Manoa Falls

If you have better places to see, don't go here. Probably one of the most disappointed things I did in Hawaii. It wasn't much of a hike and when I went, it was very slippery and muddy. The waterfall was the saddest thing I have ever seen. Normally, I would spend at least 30 minutes at the end to soak it all in but as soon as I reached the waterfall, I just wanted to get out of there. I do like the fact that it was in a tropical forest. I think if the hike was longer, more challenging, and less muddy, I'd enjoy it. 

 The Spitting Caves
 I was this close to leave Hawaii without knowing what the heck The Spitting Caves was. It's exactly what the name is. A bunch of water rushes into a cave and then it spits it back out. Voila. This place was a gem! Very hard to find, we had to drive by it twice very slowly in order to find it. You can Yelp it and it will guide you to it, but you'll be so confused as it is in a neighborhood with very nice houses. Plus, the people on Yelp won't tell you how to get there because they want to reserve its beauty, and after seeing it, I now understand why, and they have done a great job doing so. The path that leads you to it is located between two houses, you will see a construction crew working on a house right next to it. You must look closely for it or else you won't find it. Once you walk through the beaten path, it'll open up to an amazing view of  the ocean. Walk to your left and there's a rusty ladder that'll lead you to the whirlpool underneath. This was my favorite place out of all the places I've been to on the island.

The Beaches
Best thing about Hawaii beaches... no parking fee and you can find a beach anywhere! I was at the beach almost every single day. The water was so warm and... "blue". There were a few beaches where it was crazy packed... there were some that were so secluded, and that takes some time driving down the road and through the neighborhoods to discover.

• Lani Kai

• Waimea

• Kailua

• All other beaches that we stumbled upon but do not know the name of

I'm so glad I had a chance to soak it all up. Oahu was beautiful and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to explore such an incredible place. Until next time... aloha.

xoxo

I can taste the smell of summer

I must say this summer has been everything I wanted and more! Ever since college started, every summer has been dedicated to school. However, after this brutal spring semester, I needed a break. I didn't sign up for any summer classes and decided to do all things that I love. I love to travel, I have been doing that. I love nature and the puristic earth, I have been spending all of my time off in the forests, woods, mountains, lake and ocean. I love being by myself, I have been doing that. I love being with people, I have been doing that. I love exploring new territories, I have been exploring my brain out! I've tried so many new things so far this summer and yet we're still only half way in. I can only imagine how great the rest of July and August will be.


Xoxo

What a beaut!

Hawaii

What I have realized when I try to search for "things to do in (insert place here)" is that nothing cool ever comes up. It could be that I am really bad at typing in keywords in the search bar, or it could be that people never wants to let the world know all the cool spots they've discovered! As I am preparing for my Hawaii trip for the upcoming weeks, I want to do some research for cool things to do in Hawaii. I mean, yeah it's Hawaii, everything should be cool to a foreigner like me! But, I want more than just a hike to a waterfall. I want more than just a luau. I want more than just the beautiful island that I can see through Google image search. I want to dig deep in the roots and discover the local spots. Something wicked that will leave my mind in shocked for days.   Yet here I am searching and searching, and there's nothing. There has to be something right? Maybe like a tunnel in the middle of a mountain that leads down to a cave where I can dig my toes into the sand and walk just a few steps until I can reach the pure blue water (yet I'm picturing a sea green ocean) where I am secluded with no one else in sight. Something.

Okay, maybe I am being a little ridiculous, but what I'm trying to say is that it shouldn't be that hard to search for some cool exotic locations. Where are my locals at? Where are my traveling bloggers at? Help! Nonetheless, I am very excited as this will be my first time in Hawaii. I'm going to see my cousin Sang, who lives in Kaneohe. I haven't seen her in a little over a year, so this should be a good reunion! Alright, well, hopefully I will be able to dig up something cool, until then, adios.

xoxo
Ly

Summer is here

I feel like every blog post I ever posted on here always start with something along the line of "well, it's been a while..." that's because I always abandon my blog every few months. Between school, work, sorority, and life, there's never enough time for me to sit down and write my heart out. I wish. I always crave writing. I love to write. If only there were three more hours in our 24hr day, I would write everyday.

I've been on Summer break for about three weeks now. Spring semester was so exhausting, how I managed to not fail a single class? I don't know. But it's weird to think that I'm actually a 4th year in college now. People were right, college is gonna fly by, and it's been zooming by, I can't even grasp it. I decided not to take any classes this summer and just breathe for a little. All I want to do this summer is to go places. Travel, anywhere and everywhere. The first three weeks were pretty great. I went home, road-tripped to Oregon, went to Laughlin, and this weekend, Las Vegas. However, I wish I could do this everyday, but unfortunately I have work Mon-Fri. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to have a job. Since it is the #1 source to fund my traveling shenanigans (they just gave me 40hrs a week for July & August, stoked on the Monday, nervous about 8-5 shifts). But I just wish I could sleep in for once. You're probably thinking that I have Saturday & Sunday to sleep in... so what am I complaining about? Well, I could sleep in, but I try to make a good use of my summer and actually do things on the weekend. So far, sleep plays no role in my summer. Am I tired? Way. Am I having fun? Super. Fun > sleep. I mean, I take naps. Lol. Everyday after work, if I'm not at the gym, I try to get at least an hour nap in. Most of the time, my naps are like 3 hours long. The other day, I was so exhausted after a day hike, I came home to nap. I was planning on waking up after an hour, but I slept all the way up until 8 o'clock the next morning. Holy cow. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I wish I don't have plans for once. I just want to wake up one Saturday and have absolutely nothing to do. I would do everything I ever wanted to do, such as:

• Reorganize my room
• Write in my journal
• Paint
• Sort out my clothes
• Get rid of my clothes
• Reorganize my shoes
• Lay out by the pool
• Sit on the couch
• Breathe
• Play tennis
• Practice my French
• Lay in bed and watch Netflix all day

Okay, these might sound really lame and common... but I miss doing these things so much. I miss doing the usuals. I miss doing the norms. It's funny because even though I don't have summer school, it feels like I still do with all the time I spend at work. But it's cool because I am making BANK$. 

Well, summer's good so far. I'm going to Hawaii in a few weeks. Fuck yeah.

xoxo

Man up girls

The truth is, I have never been in a serious relationship, ever. My longest relationship was back in the 7th grade and that lasted for about four months. What did me and my boyfriend at the time did in those four months? Absolutely nothing. We went to the movies once. I didn't even want to go. He forced me to go. I mean, he didn't hold a gun to my head or anything, but he lied and said that his sister had already paid for our tickets, so I felt bad and went. It was matinée. No we didn't make out at the movies. We sat there and watched the movie. I don't even remember what we saw. I'm not even sure if we held hands. The other time that we hung out was at his cousin's house (my best friend at the time dated his cousin...how convenient). We definitely madeout. So out of the period of four months, we hung out twice outside of school and talked on the phone a lot. He was a grade older so we didn't have the same classes. I don't even think we had the same recess. After four months of intense dating (lol), he dumped me. I remember crying a lot. I didn't know what I was crying for, I mean yeah I just got dumped... but it was more like the crying was expected. I cried because that's what I was supposed to do, or so I thought. I was in a couple more "relationships" after that, but those lasted for about a week. Haha.

As you can see, I am no relationship expert. But don't take me for a fool. When it comes to relationships, I am a lot wiser than you think. I believe in tough love. For many years, I have provided my friends with some great relationship advice. They may sound mean most of the time but you can't really understand how bad something is until you can feel, hear, and experience the worst of it. Sometimes, I feel like they should pay for these valuable advices, haha jk. By observing, learning, processing, and absorbing, I learned how to be wise with relationships. From my friends' relationships to movies' relationships to my own non-relationship-but-semi-dated experiences, I feel like I have seen it all. 

I don't think anybody should settle for less. Especially for girls, you're only cheating yourself. If you know what you want, go for it. You shouldn't think about his feelings and what his make-or-break answer will be, just do it. Why would you want to make yourself suffer and question your existence in the love department? If you don't know what you want, figure it out! Go with the happy-radar. If he makes you happy, great! If he doesn't, I'm sure you know what to do. Don't be afraid, take chances. We're all in our 20s, we still have years ahead of us to find prince charming. Why should you think about losing him or missing out on him? Think for yourself and think about yourself, put yourself first, ALWAYS. Living in fear will only cause you pain and make you miss out on all of the greatness this world has to offer. 

So why am still single? Because I don't seek for a relationship. Nor do I really crave one. I'm content where I'm at. Even though at times I try convince myself to believe that I need a man to hold me. When I start to think about that, I stop thinking about it and start realizing how awesome my life is, and that's what makes me happy. I'm not saying I am against being in a relationships, it just hasn't happened yet. I would like for fate to take its course. Once fate decides that it's time for me to meet a great man, then I will take charge and seek for my happiness with that man. Until then, I'm living it to the fullest (cheesy? I know).

xoxo

I can go on and on and on and on and on about my relationship believes, but then all of my secrets will be out. Then the dating scene will just be lame, dull, and a bore. 

Controlling the Urge

One of the most important steps in reaching Nirvana is putting a halt on our cravings. They say craving is the source of suffering and that if we cease the craving, we can end our suffering. I am not a Buddhist nor am I religious at all. Actually I am religious, but in my own way, by taking certain aspects from different religions plus my own life experiences. I have found that the most beautiful thing about Buddhism though is the art of reaching Nirvana. It's such a beautiful word isn't it? Lately, I would find myself thinking about Nirvana. Especially when I have my bad days, it soothes me back to normal grounds. So in order to reach Nirvana, this peace, this so-called freedom from suffering, we must control our urges, our cravings. A lot of the time the things that we crave for isn't always healthy for us. The majority of the time, we crave for something we cannot have. And the things that we don't have are the things that weren't meant for us. This is my own interpretation of what Nirvana and controlling the urge means, I could be far off from the truth but the meanings that I have so far for myself seems to work just fine. By controlling my cravings, things just fall into place. Sometimes I would sit back and think damn, how is my life so almost close to perfect? Nirvana.

xoxo

The last thing I want to do...

...is to get sick. Both of my roommates are coming down with something and I am hoping to not get infected. I was woken up this morning by the sound of them coughing up their lungs. Then I thought about how if I stay in my room forever the nasties in the air won't get to me. I mean, there's no way it can sneak past my door right? Then I thought about how much I really wanted a bowl of coco pebbles cereal with my nonfat organic milk... Shit, I am so screwed. At any time I could've hopped right out of my bed and grab me a bowl of cereal... But I couldn't stop thinking about how much I am about to risk just for a damn bowl of cereal. So I just laid in my bed for 2 more hours. And here I am. Still being immersed in my white sheets. My overly comfortable bed. Just drowning in it. Never wanting to leave. And this is how I am going to spend my last day of winter break.

xoxo

Don't ever get too comfortable

I'm getting a little too comfortable here at home. I don't want to leave back to Fullerton for various reasons. Firstly, because I am just not ready to start the Spring semester of my Jr. year (mostly because I haven't studied my French). Secondly, I am going to have to clean up after myself again (I know that sounds silly because I am an adult and that should come naturally...but when I am at home, my parents treats me like a queen... I get spoiled here). Thirdly, I am going to have to pay for my own grocery and cook for myself. Fourthly, no more shopping spree with my mother. Fifthly, just simply because I will miss my mother, father, lil sister, and grandma. Sixthly, AND having to associate with people that I don't want to associate with. Most of these just sounds like I have the case of the "lazy." Haha.

I am somewhat excited to go back though. For these reasons:
• I get to be back in my favorite bedroom
• I get to be back in the warmth
• I get to stop making excuses for just sitting on the couch
• I get to go to the beach
• I get to see my Littles
• I get to be on my own again...

I get like this every time winter break comes around. But this break was different. I learned to appreciate my family more. I'd choose them over anything. My friends heard a lot from me saying "Sorry I can't tonight, I have to hang out with my family." Trust me, that never happens before. I used to go out every night and don't come home til the crack of dawn. This break was different for sure. I enjoyed it. I think it definitely made it harder for me to leave though. Well, c'est la vie.

Xoxo

Hold up.

Last year, I allowed my heart and mind to roam freely and let life take its course. In the mist of all of that, I have somehow lost myself. I lost bits and pieces of who I was and who I wanted to be. Traditions, beliefs, respect, and friendships were a few important aspects that I have surrendered in exchange for a careless heart and mind.

This year, I am willing to take it all back but with some adjustments. I am not setting New Year's resolutions. These are not New Year's resolutions. Only because I think those are cheesy and stupid. I feel like NY's resolutions are just something people created to make them feel better about themselves and it's expected for the new year. Hence the whole "New year, new me" crap. I want to carry these changes for the rest of my life, not just for this year. And technically, I'm bringing them back, not setting new ones.

Birthdays:
Birthday celebrations used to be so important to me. Whether it's mine or somebody else's. I would make birthdays so special. Especially for my closest friends. Last year, I let all birthdays slipped through the gap of my fingers. Nobody's birthday mattered. I chose to not attend some of my closest friends' birthday extravaganzas simply because I just didn't care. Gifts became late gifts and eventually no gifts at all. Not even a card. I am going to change this. I'm not saying I'm going to spoil the crap out of people on their b-day. I used to do that...and that's how I am always out of money, heh. But at least a card. Birthdays will become important again this year.

Education:
I panicked a lot last semester with school. I don't ever ever ever want to have to go through that experience ever again. I seriously expected all of my school work to just finish on its own. What was I thinking? I left everything to the last minute... literally. I rarely went to my classes. I would sleep through them. But luck was always on my side. I managed to pull nothing less than a B in the end. What if one day there are no more loopholes? What if one day luck decides to leave me? I am going to start being responsible again and make deadlines before actual deadlines. I know school won't always be this easy, I've got to start preparing. I am in college for crying out loud.

I am going to take hold of my life. This whole "whatever happens happens" has been fun. It has made my life a piece of cake, but I want to stop leaving it to fate. I mean, not completely stop. But at least be responsible for some of my actions. I want to make choices. Smart choices.

NYE

"You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds. Watching 

yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed. So for those of you falling 

in love keep it kind. Keep it good. Keep it right. Throw yourself in the midst of 

danger but keep one eye open at night."