Man up girls

The truth is, I have never been in a serious relationship, ever. My longest relationship was back in the 7th grade and that lasted for about four months. What did me and my boyfriend at the time did in those four months? Absolutely nothing. We went to the movies once. I didn't even want to go. He forced me to go. I mean, he didn't hold a gun to my head or anything, but he lied and said that his sister had already paid for our tickets, so I felt bad and went. It was matinée. No we didn't make out at the movies. We sat there and watched the movie. I don't even remember what we saw. I'm not even sure if we held hands. The other time that we hung out was at his cousin's house (my best friend at the time dated his cousin...how convenient). We definitely madeout. So out of the period of four months, we hung out twice outside of school and talked on the phone a lot. He was a grade older so we didn't have the same classes. I don't even think we had the same recess. After four months of intense dating (lol), he dumped me. I remember crying a lot. I didn't know what I was crying for, I mean yeah I just got dumped... but it was more like the crying was expected. I cried because that's what I was supposed to do, or so I thought. I was in a couple more "relationships" after that, but those lasted for about a week. Haha.

As you can see, I am no relationship expert. But don't take me for a fool. When it comes to relationships, I am a lot wiser than you think. I believe in tough love. For many years, I have provided my friends with some great relationship advice. They may sound mean most of the time but you can't really understand how bad something is until you can feel, hear, and experience the worst of it. Sometimes, I feel like they should pay for these valuable advices, haha jk. By observing, learning, processing, and absorbing, I learned how to be wise with relationships. From my friends' relationships to movies' relationships to my own non-relationship-but-semi-dated experiences, I feel like I have seen it all. 

I don't think anybody should settle for less. Especially for girls, you're only cheating yourself. If you know what you want, go for it. You shouldn't think about his feelings and what his make-or-break answer will be, just do it. Why would you want to make yourself suffer and question your existence in the love department? If you don't know what you want, figure it out! Go with the happy-radar. If he makes you happy, great! If he doesn't, I'm sure you know what to do. Don't be afraid, take chances. We're all in our 20s, we still have years ahead of us to find prince charming. Why should you think about losing him or missing out on him? Think for yourself and think about yourself, put yourself first, ALWAYS. Living in fear will only cause you pain and make you miss out on all of the greatness this world has to offer. 

So why am still single? Because I don't seek for a relationship. Nor do I really crave one. I'm content where I'm at. Even though at times I try convince myself to believe that I need a man to hold me. When I start to think about that, I stop thinking about it and start realizing how awesome my life is, and that's what makes me happy. I'm not saying I am against being in a relationships, it just hasn't happened yet. I would like for fate to take its course. Once fate decides that it's time for me to meet a great man, then I will take charge and seek for my happiness with that man. Until then, I'm living it to the fullest (cheesy? I know).

xoxo

I can go on and on and on and on and on about my relationship believes, but then all of my secrets will be out. Then the dating scene will just be lame, dull, and a bore. 

Controlling the Urge

One of the most important steps in reaching Nirvana is putting a halt on our cravings. They say craving is the source of suffering and that if we cease the craving, we can end our suffering. I am not a Buddhist nor am I religious at all. Actually I am religious, but in my own way, by taking certain aspects from different religions plus my own life experiences. I have found that the most beautiful thing about Buddhism though is the art of reaching Nirvana. It's such a beautiful word isn't it? Lately, I would find myself thinking about Nirvana. Especially when I have my bad days, it soothes me back to normal grounds. So in order to reach Nirvana, this peace, this so-called freedom from suffering, we must control our urges, our cravings. A lot of the time the things that we crave for isn't always healthy for us. The majority of the time, we crave for something we cannot have. And the things that we don't have are the things that weren't meant for us. This is my own interpretation of what Nirvana and controlling the urge means, I could be far off from the truth but the meanings that I have so far for myself seems to work just fine. By controlling my cravings, things just fall into place. Sometimes I would sit back and think damn, how is my life so almost close to perfect? Nirvana.

xoxo

The last thing I want to do...

...is to get sick. Both of my roommates are coming down with something and I am hoping to not get infected. I was woken up this morning by the sound of them coughing up their lungs. Then I thought about how if I stay in my room forever the nasties in the air won't get to me. I mean, there's no way it can sneak past my door right? Then I thought about how much I really wanted a bowl of coco pebbles cereal with my nonfat organic milk... Shit, I am so screwed. At any time I could've hopped right out of my bed and grab me a bowl of cereal... But I couldn't stop thinking about how much I am about to risk just for a damn bowl of cereal. So I just laid in my bed for 2 more hours. And here I am. Still being immersed in my white sheets. My overly comfortable bed. Just drowning in it. Never wanting to leave. And this is how I am going to spend my last day of winter break.

xoxo

Don't ever get too comfortable

I'm getting a little too comfortable here at home. I don't want to leave back to Fullerton for various reasons. Firstly, because I am just not ready to start the Spring semester of my Jr. year (mostly because I haven't studied my French). Secondly, I am going to have to clean up after myself again (I know that sounds silly because I am an adult and that should come naturally...but when I am at home, my parents treats me like a queen... I get spoiled here). Thirdly, I am going to have to pay for my own grocery and cook for myself. Fourthly, no more shopping spree with my mother. Fifthly, just simply because I will miss my mother, father, lil sister, and grandma. Sixthly, AND having to associate with people that I don't want to associate with. Most of these just sounds like I have the case of the "lazy." Haha.

I am somewhat excited to go back though. For these reasons:
• I get to be back in my favorite bedroom
• I get to be back in the warmth
• I get to stop making excuses for just sitting on the couch
• I get to go to the beach
• I get to see my Littles
• I get to be on my own again...

I get like this every time winter break comes around. But this break was different. I learned to appreciate my family more. I'd choose them over anything. My friends heard a lot from me saying "Sorry I can't tonight, I have to hang out with my family." Trust me, that never happens before. I used to go out every night and don't come home til the crack of dawn. This break was different for sure. I enjoyed it. I think it definitely made it harder for me to leave though. Well, c'est la vie.

Xoxo

Hold up.

Last year, I allowed my heart and mind to roam freely and let life take its course. In the mist of all of that, I have somehow lost myself. I lost bits and pieces of who I was and who I wanted to be. Traditions, beliefs, respect, and friendships were a few important aspects that I have surrendered in exchange for a careless heart and mind.

This year, I am willing to take it all back but with some adjustments. I am not setting New Year's resolutions. These are not New Year's resolutions. Only because I think those are cheesy and stupid. I feel like NY's resolutions are just something people created to make them feel better about themselves and it's expected for the new year. Hence the whole "New year, new me" crap. I want to carry these changes for the rest of my life, not just for this year. And technically, I'm bringing them back, not setting new ones.

Birthdays:
Birthday celebrations used to be so important to me. Whether it's mine or somebody else's. I would make birthdays so special. Especially for my closest friends. Last year, I let all birthdays slipped through the gap of my fingers. Nobody's birthday mattered. I chose to not attend some of my closest friends' birthday extravaganzas simply because I just didn't care. Gifts became late gifts and eventually no gifts at all. Not even a card. I am going to change this. I'm not saying I'm going to spoil the crap out of people on their b-day. I used to do that...and that's how I am always out of money, heh. But at least a card. Birthdays will become important again this year.

Education:
I panicked a lot last semester with school. I don't ever ever ever want to have to go through that experience ever again. I seriously expected all of my school work to just finish on its own. What was I thinking? I left everything to the last minute... literally. I rarely went to my classes. I would sleep through them. But luck was always on my side. I managed to pull nothing less than a B in the end. What if one day there are no more loopholes? What if one day luck decides to leave me? I am going to start being responsible again and make deadlines before actual deadlines. I know school won't always be this easy, I've got to start preparing. I am in college for crying out loud.

I am going to take hold of my life. This whole "whatever happens happens" has been fun. It has made my life a piece of cake, but I want to stop leaving it to fate. I mean, not completely stop. But at least be responsible for some of my actions. I want to make choices. Smart choices.

NYE

"You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds. Watching 

yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed. So for those of you falling 

in love keep it kind. Keep it good. Keep it right. Throw yourself in the midst of 

danger but keep one eye open at night."

Redefining...

I miss writing so much. I don't know what's gotten in me lately but I have been living without any inspirations. I want to be able to find that again. I want to find the drive. I want to find the greatness of life again. Maybe I'm just really exhausted. I rarely get any free time to do just whatever I would like. But when I do, I would find myself choosing sleep over everything else. I need to find inspirations to make my life a little more interesting. I need to find it soon. Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy. I appreciate everything life has to offer... But I need more. I want to LIVE IT. I want to do cool things again. Let's hope something will spark my inspiration plug soon.

xoxo, Ly